I'm Here
by serendipity112233
Summary: A 'what should have happened' of Death at the Mosque. HM angst


Title: I'm Here  
Author: Abby Rating: G-PG  
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any JAG characters in this story.  
Spoilers: 10.18 Death At The Mosque

A/N: This is a continuation/What should have happened of 10.18. I really hated how Mac showed up, didn't even stay, and hardly if at all comforted Harm. In this story, she is not portrayed the greatest, because frankly, I am pissed of at Mac's character. She is not even the same character she once was. Also, this is my first JAG FF even though I have been religiously reading it for a year. So be nice :-) Reviews are always appreciated and loved and adored. :-)

Mac entered the hospital, a sick feeling entering her stomach. She had a strong feeling that Harm needed her. She was ashamed in herself as a friend for not answering that call in San Diego. She knew she had no way of knowing what was going on with Harm, but she had just brushed him off, once again. She had been pushing him away again. How could she do this? She had promised herself that she would give Harm and her a chance. And here he was in a hospital, waiting for a young girl that might as well be a daughter, fighting for her life.

He didn't return her phone calls. She could understand why. She hadn't been much of a friend lately. Why would he feel the need to share his pain with her? It wasn't like it used to be. They couldn't lean on each other for moral support. They were almost like strangers now. Well, maybe not strangers.. Probably acquaintances. She sighed. At least she was here now. She had come to give her moral support to Harm whether he would take it or not. Regardless of what he probably thinks, she still loves him, she always will. She knew in the last few months that some of her words and actions had probably ripped Harm apart. He had wanted to be there for her, but she didn't allow him to. She didn't know why she did it, doesn't know why she will probably always do it. But she was here now, and that was what matters. For now.

She walked into the room where Mattie was staying, and saw Harm standing by the window staring into space. He didn't hear a thing, just standing, staring, and absently drinking his cup of coffee. She walked in and placed a hesitant hand on Harm's shoulder. He didn't even jump. He was too tired for that. He turned around and looked at her, but didn't really see her, until he focused.

"Mac? What are you doing here?" He asked sullenly, his eyes drooping and bloodshot.

"I came to see how you were doing since you didn't return any of my phone calls. Harm, why didn't you return my calls?" Mac looks at him with a questioning glare. Her eyes looked harsh, as they had for the last few months. She saw this was a mistake, as she saw in Harm's eyes that he started inwardly retreating. He steeled himself against Mac and her harsh eyes as he answered her.

"I didn't want to hear the things you were going to tell me, and I am exhausted, worried, and I didn't need what you were going to tell me." It was her turn to be a little hurt by that comment, but chose to brush it off.

"OK. What about Mattie? How is she doing?"

"They don't know. Right now it could go either way." He replied and then walked over to a chair and sat down, dropping his head to his chest, and taking a deep breath.

"Harm why don't you go get some rest. I can stay here and look after her. You need sleep." Mac tried to reason with Harm, seeing how utterly exhausted he looked. She thought she might try to be somewhat a friend for once.

"No!" He said with such adamancy that she was startled. "I just," his voice hitched, "I need to BE here for her Mac! I can't leave her!" He put his head in his hands, his eyes overflowing with tears. He pinched his nose in an attempt to block the familiar tears he got. He had only cried over four things in his life. His father when he was six, his brother, a few times over Mac, especially in the recent months, and now Mattie.

"Oh, Harm!" Mac, who had her own tears seeing this strong man fall apart in front of her, rubbed her hand up and down Harm's back soothingly. Deciding that wasn't enough, she turned Harm toward her, fought his resistance, and pulled his head down to her shoulder. Wrapping her arms around his shaking shoulders, she allowed him to sob into her shoulder while she held him. Her own tears mixed with his, the two cried over the little girl that changed their lives.

Once he had calm down, she lifted his head to look him in the eye. She wiped his tear-stained cheeks, and kissed his forehead. Why had she ever let this man so far apart from her? Why had she treated him so badly?

"Mac?" Came his confused voice. He was confused at why she was being so nice to him, why it almost felt like old times. Why she had let her high, complicated walls down. His confusion only twisted the knife she had lodged in her heart. She had been such a crappy friend. And from the way he was looking at her, he had given up on her. He had given up on any hope of them ever getting what they truly wanted. She had made this man suffer. How could she do this to the one she loved the most? He didn't even know that she loved him. He probably thought that she hated him from the way she had been treating him. What did she expect? Had she expected that every time she came back, ready to at least start acting like a friend again, that Harm would just forgive and forget countless times? He had given up on her. And with that thought, her eyes started to fill with tears again. This time she shook them off.

She looked over at Harm, saw his eyes still staring at her with a questioning gaze. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against his, and sighed. Her hands dropped to the hands that were resting in his lap, and gave them a gentle squeeze.

He understood what she was trying to say. They always had a connection. They knew what the other was trying to tell them without even second guessing it. Unless it came to their relationship of course. They had always been blind in that area. But right now, they understood that neither of them were going anywhere.

Just to be sure, Mac whispered "I am here, Harm. I am not going anywhere." For once it seemed they were in the same place at the same time.

End.


End file.
